I'm encouraging myself to write more. I'm using an app that makes me have write for at least 3 minutes without stopping or the words disappear. How cool right? No time for getting distracted by Charlie Pup!
I wanted to write about my weekend, about the entire process of rebuilding that I've been going through. It's been magickal and it's also been tough. I've been confronted with old dreams and ideas and the resistance within me to trying them again. To believing in myself. To proclaiming that I am not a failure. That I have not failed, that in fact, I have found a bazillion ways *not* to fail.
And that in fact, I am wise and quite the victor now. And also that the knowledge I've acquired can be of help to someone. To a lot of someones if I allow it.
Sidenote: I've often found myself wondering what is the *right* thing to write about on my blog. Are there some personal things that I should just keep to myself because they would confuse others or cause them to feel some kind of way about my focus? To be truthful, there are some things that I do reserve just for me or my private writing spaces. But I do believe that my process is powerful and that the more vulnerable I am with sharing it, the more that my perspective can help.
It's important to know that not everyone gets it right on the first try. And it's important to know what it takes to keep trying. And it's personally important for me to keep remembering that I am amazing for continuing to try. And that my awesomeness lies in that right now and that this is completely ok. And that soon, my awesomeness will lie in having actually accomplished some of these goals in a sustainable way. That part IS coming.
So back to this weekend. I was putting together my second room/office/space of brilliance overflowing. :-D. I found myself looking through old Etniq Minerals flyers and brochures. I came across some magazines that Etniq was featured in. I saw a few old flyers from dance workshops I taught and a few old business cards from spas and my own location when I was working as an esthetician.
I read in a scrapbook that I'd created in 2007 about how leaving Chicago at that time was me changing my life for the better. How I was going to look back on that moment and be so happy.
I only filled that scrapbook for about a year because things didn't really get better. They got a lot more frustrating and who wants to fill up something with memories like that.
I went through all the feelings of feeling like I was such a failure to the people who believed in me. Who gave me time, money, resources - for me to not succeed with their help.
It was tough. And I'll be honest and tell you that I am still processing it and still working through dealing with those feelings.
What I will also tell you though is that those feelings are a lie. They are the biggest lie - the one that topples us all from time to time. It's a lie that steals you away from right now and all of the beauty and *potential* in this moment that you are in. It's the lie that makes you believe that life is about the destination and not about the living. That life is about the achievements and not about the pursuit of them.
Trust me, I've had to negotiate with this understanding for ages. We've all been taught that life is about the end results. But let's think about that. What do you feel in the end results?
A moment's contentment? A static "okness" before your emotions move you past it and you find yourself craving something else? Is there any part of an end result feeling that is sustainable?
What if we could find true joy in the pursuit instead? In the feelings and emotions that come with trying? With the excitement and energy of *getting there* instead of the finite state of *being there*?
Interesting concept right? So this is what I'm devoting myself to this week. I am staying in the excitement of *creating* the things I want to see happen.
The creating part - NOT the *it has happened* part.
- So the creation of a website where I can sell my spiritual wares like the manifestation soaps I've been planning for at least 10 years. Where I can sell Soul Revival Spirited Bath and Body Products. Where my readings are available to be easily booked and purchased.
- And the creation of a new mambo dance collective here in Little Rock, where I can feel good about what I'm teaching and be all jazzed about that.
- And the creation of an intuitive coaching business that helps dancers show up in the world feeling good and NOT like their entire self-worth is built on what next gig they can land or if they ever find a partner or travel or etc, etc.
- And the creation of more fun around MOVE Makeup. More movement. More energy. more collaborations. more excitement.
- And the creation of avenues to share all of these things that I like to share. The creation of systems and routines and all of that awesomeness.
So that's what this week is going to be about for me. What's it going to be about for you?
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