A letter written to my Facebook Group family that I decided to share here (because it's way too long for a Facebook post :-D).
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Good late evening kindreds <3,
Just wanted to check in and let you know what's been going on in my world. It's been tough. I've been going through a lot of painful transitions challenging me and asking me who am I going to be and what am I going to believe. Growing pains, especially the transformational kind, can be so gut and heart-wrenching. But it really all comes down to choice. What are you going to choose to believe in. What are going to choose to have absolute certainty about. And the trickiest part - how are you going to keep that certainty focused inward.
This has been most painfully illuminated for me recently in my love interest situation reaching its endpoint. I've really struggled with my certainty. Because every single sign pointed towards me needing to hold fast to the idea of the certainty of that relationship, until I just couldn't keep it up for my own sanity's sake.
And so holding on to certainty in that relationship and being so disappointed has been mirroring for me the fear around my certainty about certain life goals working out the way that I want them to.
So this is how I am dealing:
A different kind of make it happen…
What I have felt myself rising into is a different kind of *make it happen*. I used to be a make it happen girl. If there was something I wanted, I went out into the world and I *made it happen*. Literally, my manifesting abilities were naturally on-point.
This was in my late teens to mid-twenties. But looking back, all of this manifesting skill centered around academics. I knew with certainty that I was smart. I had always been affirmed in that and carried that knowledge within my core identity. So for anything that had to do with education, I had no doubt that I could make it happen. I knew I could get that scholarship, even if it was passed the deadline. I knew I could get into that program, even if registration had closed.
But when I started to branch out into other things that I wanted, especially as my career aspirations started moving outside of the box, my manifesting skills stopped working with such assuredness. And because my own certainty within those things was not nearly as strong (this manifesting had to do with *deserving* to go my own way - which I had not ever been affirmed in), they began to falter more and more. But of course, I had no idea why things weren’t working, they just weren’t.
The continued string of difficulty coupled with my spiritual growth then led me to my next evolution, which was to NOT push and to instead desire to be in flow and in alignment with things, more allowing the right things to happen than trying to force what I wanted to happen.
And now, I’m finding myself in a space of making it happen again. But it’s a different kind of making it happen. It’s no longer outcome/results based. It’s no longer about what I’m hoping to have happen from my actions. It’s much more about the actions themselves. It’s about no longer deliberating over the steps that I could take but instead, just taking them. Just to take them.
The steps are becoming my goals. The actions are what constitute my certainty. Purely and simply.
This is a major shift for me because I’ve always been so goal-oriented; I’m realizing though that my goals have always been external-validation based. I haven’t been setting them for the pure joy of having the creations live. I’ve been setting them for the hope of the impact that they will make.
And at least for now, I need a break from that.
So with my word for the year CREATE and with this new moon in Capricorn/Solar Eclipse energy (the day of this posting), I am resolving to just *do* for a while. Steam roll it, get it done, knock it out.
I don’t know where it will lead, but I’m glad that I at least feel like going *somewhere* again.
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I created a completely free 5 Day Mind Your Happiness Challenge last year to help get your mindset on point for choosing happiness. It's a simple set of questions and videos to help you explore for yourself simple changes you can make. You can go through it yourself by signing up here!
And you can always join my email list below for bi-monthly inspiration mostly on using the moon, herbs and intuition for self-empowerment (plus other motivation).
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Leah Patterson is a transformation & wellness mentor, salsa dance instructor and green witch that provides women who identify (sometimes secretly) as living with high functioning depression and/or anxiety with the guidance they need to create an overall lifestyle of mind, body and spirit balance. She works primarily with dancers – professional, amateur and hobbyists – using holistic beauty, wellness, movement, and mindset as her tools of transformation, facilitating major breakthroughs and rock-solid self-empowerment for her clients. Visit her website www.leahpatterson.com to find out more about her and to schedule a complimentary Activate Your Power Session if you need help breaking through your barriers and doing the phoenix rise!