I saw this picture a few weeks ago and something about it really jarred me. The idea that someone celebrating themselves, wanting things, being fully aware of their own innate allure - and OWNING it - was somehow wrong or lacking completely irked me. Especially since it's the work that I have been doing and encouraging others to do for years. AND I am everything on both sides of this list.
EGO is not the enemy. SOUL is not the saviour. The integration of them and the *understanding* that they both contain shadow and light (and maybe are each other's counterparts) are instead the juxapoints of evolution.
I present to you, especially in this season of giving thanks for all that we have, that if you do not give thanks for and dote on yourself (dote = be extremely and uncritically fond of), you can pack up the rest of it. It's not coming. All of that "selflessness for selflessness sake and Soul is this and Soul is that" is a fallacy. Another way to, on the sly, make you feel less. Another trick of the mind to get you to feel like you are not doing enough.
This entire picture in fact, is just another trick of the unevolved, unloved ego to get you to feel worse. Think about that for a bit.
YOU exist. YOUR desires, your wants, your seeking, your quest - it all exists. It IS what propels you forward. It IS what stirs you to discover and to evolve. There is no growth that comes from denying your every urge in the pure fantasy of "I'm saving the world". Because if you are trying to emulate and be all of the things on the Soul side of this list, believe me. TRUST me. HEAR ME when I say, you are doing it because you want something. You are doing it to get approval. You are doing it to try to be something. You are doing it because YOU DON'T FEEL ENOUGH. And you think that laying yourself out to be used, as though you have no human aspect of your soul at all, will somehow make you worthy.
Why do I know this? Because my twenties were spent trying to be this person. And my thirties were spent mostly denouncing this person. And then I got to the point of trying to understand who *I* really wanted to be. Just. For. Me.
I had to get to the point where I realized that I had been trying to be the shadow version of a martyr, a person that needs the outside validation that their sacrifice is good and worthy. I had to no longer care about martyrdom. I had to no longer need for anyone to proclaim "Leah, you are good. This work you are doing is good. Because of the work you do, you are worthy."
I had to find my worthiness within myself outside of selflessness and within selfishness.
And everything that we learn about being a *good* person goes against this.
What I want you to imagine though is what it would feel like to have the audacity to be selfish. To just say yes or no because it's what YOU want. To do something fully because YOU get a kick out of it.
What would it look like if you let all of your decisions float from the place of "what makes me happiest", making sure you bring it always back around to ME - NOT what would make me more comfortable because it causes less friction because it keeps someone else happy? Think about part a lot - especially right now, as our beautiful full moon tonight is in Gemini with lovely Mercury in retrograde. Thinking you are keeping the peace is probably an enabling falsehood for all parties involved.
Simply, your happiness is not going to come from denying yourself, your happiness is going to come from embracing yourself - and growing from that place.
That's of course, not easy. But it's of course, the work that's really worth it.
I know you are on the path. Stay on it. Celebrate you. Embrace all of your glorious parts. Revel in the fact that you need and you want and be curious. Get to the bottom of it.
Understand you.
That's how you evolve you <3.
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Tarot for Self-Discovery starts Nov. 29th :). Learn more about it by clicking here.
My ideas for my newsletter are coming together. I know, for instance now, that I will be talking about how you can use herbs for self-empowerment with the different moon cycles. In the last message I sent out, I gave suggestions on herbs to use for this full moon and what type of empowerment you could create a blend for. If you want to be sure to get the next message, join the email list below :). Much love!