Have you ever gotten information that upon first glance is depressing, but then serves to be a catalyst that you've needed? That happens a lot in my life. Just this past week, it happened yet again.
I'd gotten a reading for the lunar eclipse that just passed. Since it was my birthday, I wanted to get some extra insight to be sure that I was tapping into all of the potential magick of the day and period up to and out of it.
Upon first reading through it, I was just depressed and frustrated. It felt like so much of the same message that I'd been getting. Leah, you are trying too hard. You are doing too many things. You need to release. You need to let go. You need to just own your power. I've written about this before. It was depressing because, gosh, I feel like my entire life is an exercise in trying to be in alignment and pay attention, let go of the things that aren't helping me and move towards the things that are. And so to hear that message again was just - ugh. You can imagine.
But I committed myself to re-reading it the next day because this admittedly, has been a really sad, transformational week with me being so sick and also having to come to certain realizations about heartfelt things. So I knew that there was the possibility that my sadness and malaise was contributing to me not wanting to integrate the message or see any solution in it.
There was one part of the reading in particular, that really made me tired and also a little ticked off. It was about taking on too much and biting off more than I could chew. I was so angry with this because I've been consciously paring down, especially over these past 2 years. I'd been specifically asking myself to *be realistic* and only focus on the important things, the income generating things and the things that mattered the most. So to read something that implied that I was still willy-nilly, trying to do everything and rushing to have it all, just felt like a slap in the face.
Ah...but then, in the midst of my day, I realized something vital. I *do* still have the tendency to take on more than I can. It's just that I had not been seeing it that way. And THAT was the block.
Let me explain with a little back story.
I've decided to commit these next 3 months to building something that I know could be sustainable and that would put all my happies in one place and allow me to start building an actual concrete foundation and legacy. It will take a lot of focus, a lot of belief and a lot of energy and time to do it. So it really does need to be my only thing. I need to be focused on my outside work that pays my immediate bills and then this - period.
But as I found myself feeling better last night, I started to think about the newsletter I wanted to write about the herbs and tarot associations of the lunar eclipse and how I'd been using them to get to a better place. I felt an obligation to my (less than 100) readers because I said I'd get this out to them, and so I should. And I thought about my couple of FB groups and how I wanted to get some new prompts ready for them. I thought too about the makeup samples that a friend asked me for and the thought crossed my mind again about possibly doing another choreography class this year because a couple of the ladies had asked about it and there is a big dance conference in September that would be nice to perform at.
And that's when it hit me, as I was about to spend time writing the newsletter, that I actually did NOT need to spend time doing that, I needed to be spending whatever free time I had working on what I am building. Period. And that's when I realized that yes Leah, you *have* been taking on more than you need to. You've just been encasing it in obligation and seeing it as stuff you have to do. But it's actually not. All of those tiny little things are taking up the space for THE thing that is most important right now. And it's OK to just pull back and out of the other things for right now. They will be fine, you will be fine, everything will be fine.
And that's when I realized sheesh, that reading is spot on. And that's when I tapped into my gratitude yet again, because even in my lowest moments (and this week has been one of them), the Universe is always pitching me life floats to grab on to.
And so as always, I turn it back to you. Are there any places in your life that you are encasing with obligation? Are you shoulding yourself about something? Are you telling yourself how irresponsible or ungrateful you would be if you didn't follow up on those "few little things" (all things I was subconsciously telling myself in quick little whispers that I had to bring up to the surface to hear)?
It's a good exercise to check in with yourself and see. I know I feel a lot freer from having made this realization for myself. And since we are in the cosmic energy of freeing ourselves if we choose to, I invite you to seek out your well-disguised freedom too <3.
I created a completely free 5 Day Mind Your Happiness Challenge last year to help get your mindset on point for choosing happiness. It's a simple set of questions and videos to help you explore for yourself simple changes you can make. You can go through it yourself by signing up here!
And you can always join my email list below for inspiration mostly on using the moon, herbs and intuition for self-empowerment (plus other motivation) - AFTER, I get this awesome thing I'm building off the ground :).
Leah Patterson is a transformation & wellness mentor, salsa dance instructor and green witch that provides women who identify (sometimes secretly) as living with high functioning depression and/or anxiety with the guidance they need to create an overall lifestyle of mind, body and spirit balance. She works primarily with dancers – professional, amateur and hobbyists – using holistic beauty, wellness, movement, and mindset as her tools of transformation, facilitating major breakthroughs and rock-solid self-empowerment for her clients. Visit her website www.leahpatterson.com to find out more about her and to schedule a complimentary Activate Your Power Session if you need help breaking through your barriers and doing the phoenix rise!